Performance Show

Well, here we are.  It’s been a year since we were last together.  Did you miss me?  This is a whole new season for Idol.  New intro.  New set.  New…. Hmmm, no, that’s about all that’s new.  I must say, the new set is quite impressive.  The Oscars are definitely going to have Set Envy after this.  And because someone thought there was a huge need for it, American Idol now has its very own mosh pit.  Seriously?  A mosh pit?  Yeah, because when I think of American Idol, I totally picture tweens and cougars thrashing around to the likes of Taylor Hicks.  Just think how dangerous it would have been if the Claymates had had a mosh pit in Season 2…. Ooooh, buddy, you know how worked up they can get! 

Ahhh, there’s my favorite talking head Ryan, and I have to say this… he totally stole my hair style… but I’ve been told I wear it better.  (Like there was any doubt?)  There’s Paula, looking as crazy as ever.  (The more things change, the more they stay the same.)  And Simon, whose shirt is already half unbuttoned.  (He must be taking wardrobe cues from David Hernandez.)  This week, we’re dealing with the Lennon/McCartney songbook.  This should be interesting for the performers and the viewers at home.  Unless you had parents that schooled you in classic music (Thanks Mom and Dad), there’s probably a whole generation out there that isn’t familiar with these songs.  With this season having the “Most Talented Top 12” EVER (big sweeping hand motion), it’s time for our wannabes to go big or go home.  Will David Archuleta run away with the competition?  Or will he falter, and allow one of the many dark horses to come along and take the victory?  Let’s find together.  This… is American Idol!

First up is Syesha Mercado, who has the potential to be the Tamyra Gray of this season.  She’s sporting semi-Sanjaya hair and chose the up-tempo “Got to Get You Into My Life”.  Up-tempo is usually a good way to go the first week.  Keeps the audience entertained and it allows the performer to show off a bit of their personality.  Unfortunately, Syesha started nervous and did a paint-by-numbers performance.  She hit some big notes, and it’s probably enough to get her through, but I expected a lot more from her. 

Next up is Chikezie, which isn’t even a real name, and who I really want to hate because I feel he took Danny Noriega’s spot in the Top 12.  (Just think how fun it would have been to have had a Sanjaya that could actually sing?)  He and I should have a bond seeing as how he used to stalk Paula at LAX, and we all know about my mini-obsession with her.  (Good news!  The restraining order has been lifted!)  He does “She’s a Woman”, and it’s straight out of “O Brother Where Art Thou”.  I want to hate it… but I can’t.  He nailed it and secured himself a spot for next week. 

Ramiele is singing “In My Life” which I know as the theme song to the TV show “Providence”.  This girl is meant to be a diva, but she totally played it safe.  She has such a big voice for such a tiny girl.  Unfortunately, it was pretty, but boring.  Paula said she looked pretty, which is never good because that means she doesn’t have anything good to say.  And if Paula has nothing good to say, you know you’re in trouble. 

Jason Castro takes the stage next with his guitar to sing “If I Fell”.  It’s very MTV Unplugged.  It seemed effortless, and though he made weird faces as he was singing, it had a lot of heart.  He always seems to connect with the songs.

Carly Smithson is doing “Come Together”.  As everyone knows, she had a recording contract… and she sold a whopping 500 copies of her cd.  (I think even Taylor Hicks sold a few more than that.)  Does anyone else think the tattoo on her right arm looks like Amy Winehouse?  And what’s up with her skirt?  Did she forget it at home?  Is skirt off sick?  She sings with a lot of soul and emotion, and the performance is phenomenal.  She’s definitely in it to win it. 

David Cook is next.  I know I’m in the minority here, but there is something about this guy that I don’t like.  (It’s not his comb over either, but that doesn’t help matters.)  He’s doing “Eleanor Rigby”, and he immediately goes into this rocker, whispery gruff voice.  David thinks he’s Chris Daughtry, but for me, it’s more like Daughtry-Lite.  He is a good singer, and he might have done a good job, but I don’t care for him.  He’s smarmy.  Oh well, I’m sure he’ll be here next week.  Blah.

Now we have Brooke White, who is on her way to being America’s Sweetheart.  I don’t know how you could not like this girl.  Brooke is performing “Let it Be”.  As the song starts, it’s just her and the piano, and later the band comes in at exactly the right moment.  She has a mesmerizing, haunting quality to her voice.  She’s captivating and confident.  I love, love, LOVE her! 

Taking the stage next is our resident stripper, David Hernandez, singing “I Saw Her Standing There”.  His shirt is already untucked, so he’s ready for his routine… I mean performance.  (I’m going to ignore the part where he tries to convince us that he worked in a pizza bistro.)  David usually has a good voice, but this was not a good performance.  Not at all.  He performed too much, which overshadowed his lacking vocals, and it came off corny.  Paula said, “You know I love your voice”, which is another indication that she has nothing good to say.  After that performance, David may be working for dollars again pretty soon.

Amanda Overmeyer, who I like to call “Janis Joplin Reincarnated”, or as my mom likes to call her, “The Scariest Nurse on the Planet”, is singing “You Can’t Do That”.  She doesn’t have a great range, but she puts everything she has into her performance.  She slurs some of her lyrics, but I’m sure Paula could understand her.  Amanda is always entertaining, but as much as I like her, she shouldn’t be entertaining any ideas that she’ll make it to the final 2.

Michael Johns, our Idol from Down Under, is singing “Across the Universe”.  (If you haven’t seen the movie Across the Universe, you definitely should.  It’s like Moulin Rouge, but with Beatles songs.)  He says he really feels this song, but I didn’t feel much passion or emotion coming from him.  It was very blah for me… very David Hasslehoff-esque.  It just didn’t seem to go anywhere.  He better hope that people vote on his looks tonight instead of his performance. 

Bringing us the most painful performance of the night is Kristy Lee Cook doing a country version of “8 Days a Week”.  For weeks, the judges have been telling her that she should put a country influence into her songs.  She went a little too far.  (Okay, way too far.)  Growing up in West Virginia, I should have enjoyed the ho-down, square dance vibe, but I wasn’t down for that trip to the county fair.  It should have been more Reba country and less Hee-Haw.  I kept waiting for the back up singers to pop up out of the cornfield.  Girl needs to be packing her bags and checking to see if she can get her barrel horse back.

David Archuleta is closing the show for us tonight doing the Stevie Wonder version of “We Can Work It Out”.  This kid is as cute as can be.  After Paula cuts off his head and hangs it from her rearview mirror, I want to pinch his cheeks.  In the past, David has been one of the strongest, if not the strongest performer.  Not tonight.  He forgot the lyrics and let it show.  This was not his style.  Ballads are definitely his strength.  He should be very grateful that there’s an army of tweens poised to vote for him no matter what he does.  He also just gave away his lead and opened the competition to the other 3 or 4 singers who had an amazing night.   

Well, that’s our show for tonight.  For me, Carly, Brooke, Jason Castro, and yes, even Chikezie (still not a real name) and David Cook stood out.  In the bottom, I would have to put Ramiele, David Hernandez, and Kristy Lee Cook.  Will David Hernandez be back to working at the pizza bistro?  (wink, wink)  Will Kristy Lee Cook be tarred and feathered for what she did to that song?  And will the producers get the mosh pit to stop waving their arms in the air during every slow song?  (That last one is just a personal request of mine.)  Tune in tomorrow night to see whose dreams are already shattered.  Same Steve Time.  Same Steve Channel.

Results Show

Good Evening, America! I’m so loving the fact that we’re down to two nights of Idol a week. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Idol, but 3 nights was a little much. This is much more manageable. And here we are with our first results show of the Top 12. Anything can happen tonight, and after the unpredictable happenings last night, there are a good number of people that should have been safe that could be going home. Just think, for 30 seconds of results, we have to sit through 59.5 minutes of filler and commercials. Are you ready? Let’s brave it together. This… is American Idol!
 
Jim Carey is here tonight supporting John McCain and the Republican Party. Oh, I’m sorry, I was just informed he has a new movie coming out this weekend called “Horton Hears a Who”. My bad. And before our Top 12 can try to sing together, we’re told that next week, we’re doing more Lennon/McCartney. That’ll be interesting. This is what I like to call “pushing it”. For the group number, the Top 12 are butchering… I mean singing a Beatles medley. First, I want to make a plea again that they let Paula choreograph these group numbers. Second, whoever is running the sound tonight should be fired. Not being able to hear all the singers is even worse than being able to hear everything, but these are great songs, so I’m going to let it slide. Oh well. Bygones.
 
After fast-forwarding through clips of last night, we move immediately into the results. (I know, I’m shocked too.) Carly, Michael, Jason, and Syesha are told to stand up. The Irish, The Aussie, and The Muppet are safe for next week, but Syesha is in the Bottom 3. It’s completely her fault. She was just so-so on a night where there were many exceptional performances. And now, I’ll fast-forward through her singing again. Hearing it once last night was enough.
 
As we come back from commercial, we get to my favorite part of the results show… the Ford Commercial! This week they are doing a quasi-funny election themed video. Not sure exactly what they are running for… I hope it isn’t President, because Carly and Michael are not eligible. (They’re foreigners, remember?) They could be Governor of California though. It seems like anybody can get that job.
 
More filler about how much American Idol has changed their lives. Blah. Fast-forward. Okay, more results. Chikezie, Amanda, Kristy, and David Cook are told to stand. (Hmmm, out of these four, I wonder who is in the Bottom 3?) Chikezie, Amanda, and the Comb Over are safe for next week, and Kristy is sent to be part of the Bottom 3. Seeing as how it took over an hour for my ears to stop bleeding last night, I’m fast forwarding through her singing again.
 
Now, we’re having fun with viewer questions. Okay, not really fun. Can we please not do this segment again? Fast-forwarding to Katharine McFee. I’m still shocked her cd didn’t do well. Of course, I didn’t buy it, and I haven’t heard it, so I don’t know if it was good or not, but still, I’m shocked. After listening to her vocals tonight, I want to go on the record again and say that I think she should have won out over Taylor Hicks.
 
Jim Carey is on stage pretending to wait for his results. Ryan plays his part and say, “America voted. They love him.” Really Ryan? Have you checked the box office results for his last 3 movies? I think “love” is a little strong. Results again. David Archuleta, Brooke, David Hernandez, and Ramiele go to the center of the stage. David A., Brooke, and Ramiele are safe which means our resident stripper is the last member of our Bottom 3. Again, not really caring to hear him sing again.
 
The viewers definitely got the Bottom 3 correct. Syesha, who was the first to join the Bottom 3 tonight, is the first one sent back to safety. (Which is exactly what should have happened.) And the person going home this week is…David Hernandez. (Personally, I think after the way Kristy Lee Cook butchered that song, she shouldn’t be allowed to sing in public ever again.) Poor David… his hopes of stardom have been stripped away. (Ha ha! Get it? Stripped away!) David says we’ll see him at the top. Yeah, the top of the pole, on top of the chair, on top of the bar… (I’m funny.)
 
The new ‘you just got voted off the most popular show on television’ song is by Ruben Studdard. Eh, can we have “Bad Day” back please?
 
That’s our show for tonight. Tune in next week to see the Idols do another round of Lennon/McCartney songs… more specifically, most of the songs we heard in the medley tonight. Will Kristy destroy another Beatles classic? Will David Archuleta forget his words again? Will David Cook do another note-for-note cover of a song that someone else has already covered and stand there and pretend he arranged it? I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Same Steve Time. Same Steve Channel.