Good Evening, America! I had thought about starting off tonight with a whole April Fool’s thing about how I was going to be nice and treat each contestant with decency and respect. But then I decided that was lame and you wouldn’t believe it anyway. Instead, I promise to be just as snarky to the contestants I don’t like and show favoritism to the one’s that I do. Don’t fix what ain’t broken, right? So, in that spirit, here we go. This… is American Idol!
Last night was definitely interesting. After coming off a huge previous week with the Motown theme, expectations were really high, and for most of the Idols, reality fell very short of that. But we won’t dwell on that. Bygones, as my good friend Richard Fish would say.
After some blah, blah, blah, we get to the Ford Music Video. This week our Idols are singing “Mixed Up” while their bodies are cut into three segments and mixed up, ala the opening theme of “Ugly Betty”. It’s incredibly creepy, which means I absolutely LOVE IT! This is the utter nonsense I’ve been waiting for. Thank you for finally delivering!
While we’re at, let’s do the Group Sing. This week, our Top 9 are lip-synching to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”. Now that I know they’re faking it, I love watching how their mouths don’t completely match up with the words… or when their mouth is NOWHERE NEAR the microphone. (That bit of brilliance from Scott “Pity Vote” MacIntyre earned a large guffaw… and several rewinds.) This little insight has turned the Group Sing from something to endure to one of my highlights of the results show. Ahhh, good times.
There’s some filler-ific stuff, but it bores me, so I won’t bore you with it. Now it’s time for the results, and if anyone has remembered from previous seasons, this is when Ryan splits everyone into 3 groups of 3. One is usually the top, one is just safe, and the other is the Bottom 3. Let’s see what happens. Megan, Matt, and Kris (Group 1) are asked to move to the far side of the stage. Adam Lambert-Martin, Lil, and Allison (Group 2) are sent to the center of the stage. That leaves Scott, Danny, and Anoop (Group 3) on the near side of the stage. Now, with the way this is set up, I can’t see any one group being in the Bottom 3. It’s more like one person from each group would make up the Bottom 3. If that’s the case, I’m going to go with Megan, Allison, and Anoop being the Bottom 3…. though I’d really prefer for it to be Scott instead of Anoop.
Before we can get back to the results and see what shenanigans Seacrest is up to, David Cook, our reigning American Idol is here to sing his new song “Come Back to Me”. Nice to see that his Cougar… I mean his mom is in the audience. Just like old times. And it looks like David has sold 1 million copies of his first album. That’s great for him, but I still hate his hair. Just like old times.
Back to the results. We start with Group 1. Kris is safe. After some Seacrest trickery, Matt is also safe. (Oh, that Seacrest. Such a kidder.) That leaves us with Milkmaid Megan, who is… the first person in our Bottom 3. (That means it will be one from each group.) What the heck was up with her bird walk over to the stool? That went beyond quirky to just plain weird. Now to Group 2. Lil is safe. Allison, unfortunately, joins Megan in the Bottom 3. Down to Adam Lambert-Martin, who thankfully is SAFE! (Happy Dance!) Finally to Group 3. Danny is safe. That leaves us with either Scott “Pity Vote” MacIntyre or Anoop Desai as the last member of the Bottom 3. I’m hoping for Scott, but I have a feeling that it’s Anoop. And it is… Anoop. (Bah!) That means our Bottom 3 consists of Megan, Allison, and Anoop. (Please let Allison be safe!)
Time for a musical interlude courtesy of Lady Gaga and her smash hit “Poker Face”! She starts off like a young Phyllis Diller but dressed as an extra from “Rocky Horror Picture Show”. Then she kicks into the fabulous dance version that has taken America by storm. Now, some of you may be wondering, “Who the eff is Lady Gaga?” If you love good dance music, then I suggest heading over to our good friend iTunes and downloading her cd “The Fame”. It’s a good time.
Back to our Bottom 3: Allison, Anoop, and Megan. Thankfully, Allison is sent back to safety. (Phew!) Between Megan and Anoop, Anoop is safe, and Megan is “Singing for Her Life”. Before I can even type the words on the page that the Judges won’t even consider using their save on her, Simon, however callously, says it for me. That means Megan will just be singing us out tonight. I’m sorry Megan; the tribe has spoken. It’s time for you to go.
Well, that’s our show tonight. And with all due respect to the Megan fans out there (I’m looking at you Miss Margie), it was time for her to go. I enjoyed her, and I’ll miss her. Next week, our Idols will be singing “Year You Were Born” songs. Since all of these kids are younger than me that means next Tuesday I may be getting some of the 80’s music I’ve been whining to hear. Fingers crossed! Same Steve Time. Same Steve Channel.